why Cranky is in pain
Reviews since 1996:  A-E     F-N      O-Z    Posters       Who We Are and Why We Do What We Do          Search the Site

DONATE to support the site

buy movie posters allposters
Buy Movie Posters

Books DVDs Kindle eBooks

buy Cranky gear!
Buy Cranky stuff

CRANKY SEZ: For those that haven't read the background material, Cranky's got spinal cord damage which means (sometimes) we get a week in which we can't move. The massive storm system which swept across the country last week nearly killed us. That the rain hit New York on a day of three screenings (basically the whole week) means nothing got reviewed. If you're still reading this site next week, after the disaster that was the last fortnight, we thank you.

We will pass on all the news that comes out of the upcoming San Diego Comic-Con, which kicks off later this week. How a comic book convention became a major movie news source is an ancient story that we connect to the comic book adaptation of Star Wars back in the late 1970s. What has already leaked is that Lucy Lawless will be joining the cast of TV's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. in some capacity, details clamped down until Friday . . . and if we wanted to bet, we (and every other site that links with comingsoon.net) would bet that Dwayne Johnson will be announced as Captain Marvel in a SHAZAM! movie.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE TOP TEN: For its second week, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes ($36 millions / $139 millions) holds the Top Spot. Newbies The Purge: Anarchy ($28.4 millions), Planes: Fire & Rescue ($18 millions), Sex Tape ($15 millions) follow behind. Transformers: Age of Extinction ($10 millions / $227 millions drops from Second to Fifth. THE REST OF THE BEST and all on their way out of the Top Ten: Tammy ($7.6 millions / $71.3 millions), 22 Jump Street ($4.7 millions / $180.5 millions), How to Train Your Dragon 2 ($3.8 millions / $160.7 millions), Maleficent ($3.3 millions / $228.4 millions), Earth to Echo ($3.3 millions / $32 millions)

NEW WALLPAPERS: Images from Dawn of the Planet of the Apes are up. Have a rockin' good time. . . Take your pick of images from the forthcoming sequel Sin City: A Dame To Kill For! and the reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Scroll down for more...

NEW TRAILERS: A Hard Day's Night -- Witching Bitching -- Spanish Lake -- Dumb and Dumber To -- The Signal -- Home -- Rage -- The Trip to Italy -- The Congress -- Goodbye World -- The Olivia Experiment -- Frontera -- If I Stay -- Step Up: All In -- School Dance -- The Kill Team -- The Sacrament -- Hercules -- Wish I Was Here -- Obvious Child -- Words and Pictures -- Alive Inside -- The Hundred-Foot Journey -- The Expendables 3 -- The Giver

NEW POSTERS: The characters dribble out in no particular order but HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY pt.1 are here! and everything we've got from all four TRANSFORMERS films, too (Plus a couple of hundred more working their way onto the site. We've gotten through the letter "G" and are still adding stuff!

-------------------- New Releases --------------------

Again, the tumultuous weather that rocked the country (last) week aggravated all our spinal cord crap to the point that we couldn't have sat through The Purge: Anarchy, Sex Tape, Planes: Fire and Rescue even if we could have gotten to the screenings during the Days of Deluge. Writhing in pain kinda gets distracting so . . . nothing from us this week.

Disabilities suck.

Planes Fire and Rescue comes from Disney as the second in this franchise. Those with kiddies under twelve should go, have a great time, maybe buy lunch and then do their best to avoid toy stores where hundreds and hundreds of action figures and plane props and all such stuff will be waiting to strip your wallets of those green papers called dollars and the plastic cards containing fake dollars. Be wary, dear readers. Be wary.

sex tape

Sex Tape stars Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal with Rob Lowe providing comedic support., A nice young couple makes a personal sex tape, then uploads it to the Cloud without any security measures installed and, well, that's all we know. you can bet that trying to get the tape out of the cloud will provide most of the yuks. Diaz has been a hoot ever since There's Something About Mary, so it's a fair bet for a good laugh.

the purge anarchy

Anything goes once the sun goes down in The Purge: Anarchy. I would hope you all will root for the family which is running like hell to survive the night, but c'mon... you know you want blood, stomach wrenching destruction. You sickos you....

Wish I Was Here

Wish I Was Here is Zach Braff's take on entering the "age of responsibility" as head of family and all that while,all the while, there is that nagging bit of him deep down inside that just wants to let loose for one last uber-insane blowout.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Review proof (and if we could have gotten to the screening we would have been there. Spinal cord crap). We'll pay for it Friday, assuming we can get to a theater. Wallpaper images here


Boyhood stars Patricia Arquette and Ethan Hawke with Ellar Coltrane in the title role. Filmed over the course of the last twelve (yes, 12) years, the film has a majority of critics on the Rotten Tomatoes consensus site raving positive . . .


. . . and all those critics are screaming to stay away from Rage starring Nicolas Cage as a man who must rescue a kidnapped daughter.



Tammy stars teevee's Melissa McCartney. It is, no doubt, a raunchy comedy.

Deliver Us From Evil

Deliver Us From Evil is designed to scare you to pieces. It was offered for screening at the same time that Tammy was shown. Tammy sent out its invite first but family stuff mentioned above got in the way of everything this week.

Earth to Echo

Earth to Echo was not offered to us for screening. It's a family friendly film. We just couldn't track down a screening.

A Hard Day's Night

A Hard Day's Night stars a 1960s pop band called The Beatles. They were, apparently, a big deal back then. <g> 50 years later it is still the best of the films the Fab Four made. It is not a great movie but the music within is all that you really need. Cranky's movie review

Even better, buy your own DVD or Blu-Ray copy!

Transformers: Age of Extinction

Transformers: Age of Extinction finally has puts stars we want to watch in its lead roles. That would be Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammer. For reasons too ridiculous to explain, we were not allowed to see the film.

They Came Together

They Came Together stars Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler in a comedy that may work if you don't have three decades of watching sitcoms under your belt. It's a small candy store owner (Poehler) versus a mega corporation candy store chain (Rudd) and, of course, they fall in love. Teevee stars Cobie Smulders (How I Met Your Mother) and Christopher Meloni (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) support. Fanboys will appreciate Meloni's gag.

Jersey Boys

Jersey Boys tells the story of perhaps the only American band that could have stood up to the Beatles, had they not crashed mere months before the Invasion. The group was The Four Seasons. There's so much detail packed into Clint Eastwood's adaptation of the original musical play that we laid out all the details. Simply put, the hits drive the film. The stories are just a bonus. Christopher Walken is the name brand star attached as Tony winner John Lloyd Young recreates his portrayal of Frankie Valli. Cranky's movie review

Think Like A Man Too

Think Like A Man Too stars Kevin Hart and a while messa stars like Dennis Haysbert, Taraji P. Henson and Jennifer Lewis. Like its predecessor, we were excused from seeing the film because we are not the demographic target. Heck, even the bigger sites didn't get a screening so, those who loved the first one can drag their other halves to this one.

How to Train Your Dragon 2

How to Train Your Dragon 2 is where everyone with families, a lot of the younger daters and most of the tokers are going to go, If it is half as good as the original -- and Cranky's back collapsed as we tried to get to our screening -- it will be worth double your ticket cost.

Wallpaper downloads here

22 Jump Street

22 Jump Street is where everyone else (meaning the non-family daters and some single folk) will go, if they really enjoyed the predecessor adaptation of the hit television show. That's a lot of words to say if the sequel is half as good as the original, you will be happy We expect that Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum will be spewing as many cusswords as they did in the last one. Whaddya want from us? We're getting old!!!

Edge of Tomorrow

Edge of Tomorrow stars Tom Cruise, whose star power apparently wasn't enough to drive this fast fading SF action flick

fault in our stars

The Fault in Our Stars was written for and aimed at the "young adult" female demographic -- two beautiful teens fall in love but both are dying of cancer. Will they? Won't they? (That means sex or death or maybe something more.). That this middle aged male critic found this to be a terrific film means (either) it is a terrific film or we're just getting soft. It's the former. Those daters who've already seen everything else should catch up here.

X-Men: Days of Future Past

For those who have asked us what we think a perfect $10 should be, we endorse X-Men: Days of Future Past. Hugh Jackman and Jennifer Lawrence star; Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan with James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender as their younger selves (Professor X and Magneto) and Halle Berry as Storm take turns as the greatest X-Men movie ever written in comics becomes the greatest superhero movie ever made. We're not the first to use those words. We won't be the last. What is essentially a sequel to X-Men First Class has a script that will guide you if you've ignored 14 years of X-movies and spin-offs. Poster downloads here . . . . Wallpapers here and, if you really need it, Cranky's movie review


Blended, starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore returns Sandler to something approximating his comedic roots. They're two single parents -- whose kids get all the best toilet humor type gags -- and who never want to see each other again after a disastrous blind date.

The same persons who set up that blind date also bequeaths vacations to Sun City, South Africa to the pair, independently and without knowledge of each other's actions (they broke up and have to dump their pieces of what would have been a romantic getaway).

Do the rest in your head. Cranky's movie review

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Seth MacFarlane thinks too much and his film A Million Ways to Die in the West is proof. His spoof of classic western genre films failed to make us laugh or to keep our attention BUT we listen to the audience and all the 20somethings in our theater thought it was great. Charlize Theron and Neil Patrick Harris and Liam Neeson share the bill. Still, average is just average


Angelina Jolie stars in Maleficent which explains how Sleeping Beauty's evil queen got that way. Cranky's back went out just prior to our screening -- marking the beginning of what is now three weeks of back pain "h... e... double hockey sticks" Our old fall back rates the film barely watchable (RT43% Fresh - props to Jolie). Wallpaper downloads here


"Let's put normal people in the house next to Animal House" is a great pitch. And so we have Seth Rogen and Zac Efron and Rose Byrne in Neighbors. The jokes are all been there done that for anyone who has been watching movies for a couple of decades. What can we say? For the first time in 20 years of reviewing, we're feeling old. Cranky's movie review

Million Dollar Arm

Million Dollar Arm is the kind of movie that Disney should be able to produce, and produce well, with its eyes closed. Nope. This story of an Indian (the country) novice pitcher, true as it may be, is just dull.


Godzilla saves the world in one big monster vs. monsters scene. Just as the movie entered its second hour something went 'pop' in our spinal cord. Thankfully you don't need our opinion to influence you. Y'all will go.


Transcendence stars Johnny Depp. More than that, we really can't tell you 'cuz yours Cranky is just a dumb old fart who couldn't follow the story (well, pretty much). Cranky's movie review


What If -- Land Ho! -- Hercules -- Hide Your Smiling Faces --Perfect Sisters -- A Night in Old Mexico -- Gold Frapp Tales of Us -- Walking With the Enemy -- The Protector 2 -- Hercules -- Mistaken for Strangers -- Leave the World Behind -- Earth to Echo -- Finding Vivian Maier -- Edge of Tomorrow -- Jupiter Ascending -- Goodbye World -- Ida -- Beneath the Harvest Sky -- Home -- Borgman -- Wolf Creek 2 -- Rob the Mob -- Persecuted -- Rowdy -- Poseidon Rex -- Walk of Shame -- We are the Best -- No God No Master -- Begin Again -- Palo Alto -- Only Lovers Left Alive -- Stage Fright -- Moms Night Out --

Alien Abduction -- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles -- Lucy -- Ant Boy -- Fractured -- Jinn -- The Drop -- Liars All -- Dawn of the Planet of the Apes -- Bad Words -- 10 Rules for Sleeping Around -- Dom Hemingway -- 13 Sins -- 50 to 1 -- Cheap Thrill -- Dumbbells -- Ernest & Celestine -- A Haunted House 2 -- The Nut Job -- Odd Thomas -- Sparks -- The Expendables 3 -- Nurse 3D -- Best Man Down -- Best Night Ever -- Beyond Outrage -- Guardians of the Galaxy -- Need for Speed -- Big Bad Wolves -- The Pretty One -- Cheap Thrills --

Kids For Cash -- Open Grave -- Brightest Star -- 22 -- Vampire Academy -- Frank Miller's Sin City: a Dame to Kill For -- Vampire Academy-- The Attorney -- The Act of Killing --Divorce Corp. -- 3 Days To Kill -- Divergent -- The Invisible Woman -- Interstellar -- Wrong Cops --- $50K and a Call Girl -- Rob the Mob -- Here Comes the Devil -- Gimme Shelter -- Welcome to Yesterday -- Killing Season --Finding Joy -- Storm Surfers 3D -- Blood -- Liars All -- More Than Honey -- Under the Bed -- The Way Way Back -- A Royal Affair -- Parental Guidance -- A Dark Truth -- Nature Calls -- Dragon -- Bones Brigade -- Rust and Bone -- Stand Up Guys -- Journey to the West -- Transcendence -- The Other Woman -- Cavemen --

Help yourself to lots of images from . . .

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
X-Men: Days of Future Past
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Avengers
Beauty and the Beast
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Captain America: First Avenger
Cars 2
Conan the Barbarian
Dark Knight Rises
Despicable Me 2
Green Lantern

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Kung Fu Panda 2
The Lion King
Man of Steel (Superman)
Red Riding Hood
Rio 2

The Smurfs
Sherlock Holmes

Transformers 3
Winnie the Pooh
The Wolverine


Dallas Buyer's Club -- Last Vegas -- Rush -- Cloudy with Chance of Meatballs 2 -- Jackass: Bad Grandpa -- All is Lost -- Best Man Holiday -- Ender's Game -- Dark Knight Rises -- Less -- Ted -- Amazing Spider-Man -- Prometheus --- Madagascar 3 -- Men in Black 3 -- Magic Mike -- Snow White Huntsman --The Avengers -- Amazing Spider-Man -- The Artist -- Three Stooges -- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo -- The Muppets -- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy -- Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close -- Alvin + Chipmunks Chipwrecked -- War Horse -- We Bought a Zoo -- Fast Five-- Bridesmaids (unrated) -- Michael Flatley Lord of the Dance -- Thor -- X-Men First Class -- Rio -- Rango -- Unstoppable -- For Colored Girls -- Life As We Know It -- Red -- The American -- The A-Team -- Avatar -- Dinner for Schmucks -- Machete -- Zombieland

Dallas Buyer's Club -- Last Vegas -- Rush -- Cloudy with Chance of Meatballs 2 -- Jackass: Bad Grandpa -- All is Lost -- Best Man Holiday -- Ender's Game -- Ted (unrated) -- Les Miserables -- Prometheus -- Madagascar 3 -- Men in Black 3 -- Magic Mike -- Titanic -- Jaws -- Star Wars IV-VI -- Twilight Saga: New Moon -- James Bond collection -- Snow White Huntsman -- The Avengers -- Amazing Spider-Man -- Singing in the Rain -- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo -- Casablanca 70th anniv -- South Park season 15 -- The Descendants -- Adventures of Tin Tin -- My Week With Marilyn -- Melancholia -- The Muppets -- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy -- Alvin + Chipmunks Chipwrecked -- Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt 1 SE -- Super 8 -- X-Men First Class -- Big Lebowski -- Star Wars Saga I-VI -- Sucker Punch -- Lord of the Rings Trilogy -- Super -- Unstoppable -- Red -- The American -- The A-Team -- Legacy -- Legendary -- Machete -- Wall Street Money Never Sleeps -- Toy Story 3 -- Kick-Ass

----------------------------------------- DVDs FOR SALE -----------------------------------------

Flight -- Perks of Being A Wallflower -- Zero Dark Thirty -- Wreck-It Ralph -- End of Watch -- The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo -- Hop -- Footloose (2011) -- Hugo -- Tower Heist -- Jack and Jill -- Tower Heist -- The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 -- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy -- The Three Musketeers (2011) --My Week With Marilyn -- Abduction -- Contraband -- The Iron Lady -- Angels & Demons -- Joyful Noise -- The Rum Diary -- The Bodyguard -- Moneyball --   Cowboys & Aliens --Insidious -- Red Riding Hood -- True Grit -- Academy Award winning films -- Avatar -- Batman Begins -- Blade Runner -- Clash of the Titans -- Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon -- The Hangover -- Harry Potter 1-6 box set -- Harry Potter Half-Blood Prince -- He's Just Not That Into You -- How to Train Your Dragon -- Incredible HULK -- The Hurt Locker -- Ice Age 1 & 2 set -- Indiana Jones trilogy -- Indy/ Crystal Skull -- Inglorious Basterds -- Iron Man -- Iron Man 2 -- Ultimate James Bond v1 -- Ultimate James Bond DVD v2 -- Ultimate James Bond   v3 -- Ultimate James Bond DVD v4 -- Juno -- Jurassic Park box set -- Karate Kid -- Kick Ass -- Lawrence of Arabia -- The Last Airbender -- Night at Museum -- 9 -- Paranormal Activity -- Passion of the Christ -- Ratatouille-- Resident Evil Afterlife -- The Runaways -- Scott Pilgrim -- Sherlock Holmes -- Shrek 1-3 trilogy -- Sin City -- Simpsons Movie -- Slumdog Millionaire -- Spider-Man Trilogy -- Star Trek I - VI box set -- Star Trek 2010 (1 disk) -- Star Wars Trilogy (1-3) -- Star Wars Trilogy (4-6) -- Terminator Salvation -- The Town -- Toy Story 3 -- Twilight -- Twilight: New Moon -- Twilight Saga Eclipse -- Twilight Breaking Dawn pt. 1 -- -- Up -- Wall-E -- Wall Street Money Never Sleeps -- Who is Harry Nilsson? -- Woodstock 49th anniv -- The Wrestler -- X-Men Trilogy -- X-Men Origins: Wolverine -- X-Men Trilogy

---------------------------------- BLU-RAY DISCS FOR SALE ----------------------------------
The Artist -- Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol -- Spawn -- The Hunger Games -- Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows -- JAWS -- 21 Jump Street -- Singing in the Rain 60th Anniv) -- The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, Happy Feet Two, Footloose (2011), Tower Heist, Angels and Demons, The Rum Diary, Abduction, The Bodyguard, Moneyball, Captain America, Thor Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, The Adventures of Tintin, Star Wars: The Complete Saga (Episodes I-VI) -- Lord of the Rings Extended Edition -- The Matrix box set -- Men in Black -- Alice in Wonderland (2010) -- Avatar -- Batman Begins -- The Dark Knight -- Blade Runner -- The Bourne Trilogy set -- Braveheart -- Breakfast Club -- Chronicles of Narnia -- Clash of the Titans -- Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon -- Fifth Element -- Forrest Gump -- Ghostbusters -- Ghost Rider-- Gladiator -- Goodfellas -- The Hangover -- The Hurt Locker -- Inglorious Basterds-- Hellboy -- Harry Potter years 1-6 -- HP: Order of Phoenix -- Harry Potter: Half-Blood Prince -- Iron Man -- Iron Man 2 -- James Bond Ultimate ed v1 -- James Bond Ultimate ed v2 -- James Bond Ultimate ed v3 -- Julie & Julia -- Juno -- Kill Bill 1 & 2 -- Kung Fu Panda -- Live Free or Die Hard -- Michael Jackson This is It --   Ocean's 11 12 13 set -- Passion of the Christ --  Pirates: Dead Man's Chest -- Pirates: At World's End -- Rambo box set -- Sherlock Holmes -- Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows -- Shine a Light (Stones Live) -- Silence of the Lambs -- Sleeping Beauty -- Spider-Man Trilogy HD -- Star Trek films set -- Star Trek (2009) -- Star Wars box (1-3) -- Star Wars box (4-6) -- Superman Batman Apocalypse -- Terminator -- Terminator 2 -- Terminator Salvation -- Top Gun -- Total Recall -- Transformers SE -- Twilight -- Twilight: New Moon -- Twilight: Eclipse -- Twilight Breaking Dawn pt. 1 -- Up -- Wall-E -- Watchmen -- Wizard of Oz -- Wonder Woman -- Woodstock 40th anniv -- The Wrestler -- Wolverine -- X-Men Trilogy
buy Cranky gear!
Buy Cranky stuff
buy movie posters allposters
Buy Movie Posters
Books DVDs Kindle eBooks

dvd empire

The Cranky Critic® is a Registered Trademark of and this site is Copyright © 1994 - 2014 Chuck Schwartz. All Rights Reserved.
Images used on the site are ©™® their individual owners and used with permission.
Academy Award™(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.