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CRANKY SEZ: . We're laid up worse than we thought. It's a wretched time for everything to fall apart but, hey, we survived three broken necks two decades ago. Some kind of "thing" was gonna catch up with us sooner or later. Our neurologist says we're physically OK, but we can't sit up more than about four hours a day which rules out seeing four films a day at a time when every film studio is rolling out its big guns. With the Awards Wannabee season officially underway,we'll do the best we can but it will be the first year in 20 years of reviewing that we won't be able to live up to our own expectations for guiding you readers to movies that won't waste your time and money.

FORGET CAPTAIN AMERICA 3: It's still gonna be Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) vs. Captain America (Chris Evans) but Marvel is going to deliver the entire Civil War we mentioned last week. Meaning? MARVEL'S MOVIE SLATE THROUGH 2018 kicks off with Marvel's Civil War (5/6/2016), the first of a four-movie trilogy that will destroy the various Marvel Universes: Iron Man and Captain America each lead a team of heroes that will battle over the very meaning and responsibilities of a "superhero." Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston both return in Thor: Ragnarok (7/28/2017), which could destroy Asgard as we know it. Finally, the two-part Avengers: Infinity War (5/4/2018 and 5/3/2019) should decimate what is left on Earth.

To rebuild and expand their franchises, joining Paul Rudd (as Ant-Man, next July 17), Marvel introduces Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange on Novermber 4, 2016; Chadwick Boseman as the Black Panther (in Civil War). The African hero then gets a solo movie on November 3, 2017. We can't wait to see how the SF super-country of Wakanda is designed for the big screen. An as-yet uncast Carol Danvers will be Captain Marvel (7/6/2018), brings the first solo superheroine to the MU. Inhumans (11/3/2018) is not another group like The Avengers. For those who don't know the background, the story should blow your minds. As for Guardians of the Galaxy 2? It's been moved up a year to a May 5, 2017 release . . . Fox's Marvel slate will bring the Fantastic Four reboot to the big screen on August 7, 2015 with a Fantastic Four 2 sequel planned for 7/14/2017. In between is X-Men Apocalypse on May 27, 2016 . . . As for Spider-Man, there will be no Amazing 3. Sony and Marvel seem to get along just fine which makes fanboys incredibly happy, blogging about Avengers 3 and a team-up that is contractually impossible

AS FOR DC: which will beat Marvel to the punch with a solo Wonder Woman movie in 2017. DC has announced dates but not which films specifically match up. Everything kicks off in 2016 with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and a group called Suicide Squad. Like Marvel's Avengers, there have been several Squads. DC has a lot of characters to pick from -- all minor characters that could be easily killed off in comic book stories. 2017 will see Wonder Woman and Justice League, part one; 2018 brings The Flash (starring Ezra Miller) and Aquaman (starring Jason Momoa); 2019 brings Shazam! (starring The Rock as Black Adam; originally the character is villain to good guy Captain Marvel. Expect an anti-hero instead) and Justice League Part Two; 2020 wraps the line with Ray FIsher as Cyborg and a reboot of Green Lantern. Expect solo Superman and Batman films to get squeezed in to the mix once Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice has come and gone.

SCAREFLICKS RELEASE THIS WEEK FOR HALLOWEEN: which would include Before I Go To Sleep, Nightcrawler and a one-week re-release of Saw, marking its 10th anniversary.

-------------------- New Releases --------------------
Alexander No Good Horrible Day

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day based on the novel Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day will please any parent whose kids have read or grew up reading (and are still young enough to be interested in) Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. That's not us but Cranky's movie review is here anyway.

St. Vincent starring Melissa McCartney and Bill Murray screened at the same time as Alexander.... we went with the first invite we got


Dracula Untold

Dracula Untold stars Luke Evans as Vlad the Impaler, whose rule in Transylvania inspired Bram stoker. This king is an action hero and while the vampiric origins are established, the film does little to hint how/why the character would come to be feared. Explaining that last sentence would mean revealing the end of this film and that is not going to happen. Rent.

The Judge

The Judge stars Robert Downey Jr and Robert Duvall as father and son who haven't spoken in twenty years, both members of the legal profession and one on trial for murder.

Oh you can figure it out. Getting through the setup is a grind but the back end lets both actors set off their own kind of fireworks. Filmbuffs go here


Fury stars Brad Pitt in a film about a WWII tank crew. In one word . . .


Gone Girl

Gone Girl stars Ben Affleck, Rosamund Pike, Neil Patrick Harris and Tyler Perry. You're gonna go and you know it. We haven't been able to move for two weeks so we missed our screening. Disabilities suck


Annabelle wasn't offered for screening; then again, horror thingies rarely are Still, everything written above and to the left applies.

Left Behind

Left Behind remakes the Christian Rapture (apocalyptic) fantasy that was a low-budget, virtual direct to disc release five or six years back. For this telling, comic book aficionado Nicolas Cage has the lead role. Yeah, we're Hebrew but we would've been fair if it had (but it wasn't) and if (all the stuff to the left . . .). Now that we think about it, that comic book story comparison is gonna get us soooo dissed . . .

Jimi All Is By My Side

Being mentioned because we watched it is a limited release, music free re- creation of a year in the life of Jimi Hendrix starring Andre Benjamin as the original guitar god. The film is called Jimi: All Is By My Side . . . except that the one thing that isn't by (Jimi's) side is a guitar. Nothing matters about anything about Hendrix without the music. Nuh. Thing. Period.

The Equalizer

Once Upon a Time, The Equalizer was a television show. Now the film version stars Denzel Washington. 'nuff said.

Maze Runner

The Maze Runner adapts a Young Adult novel to the big screen, wasting ninety minutes or so to set up a sequel we now have no wish to see.

This is Where I Leave You

This is Where I Leave You stars Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Jane Fonda and a whole messa stars sitting shiva for a week of general mishegas. Now make friends with a Jewish person and go.


The Boxtrolls wasn't even screened for us because a) it doesn't have to and b) we had this stroke thing and haven't asked about any film we haven't been invited to for the last two weeks. Eventually we'll build wallpapers.

Dolphin Tale 2

Dolphin Tale 2 is for families (that saw its predecessor A Dolphin Tale)

No Good Deed

No Good Deed stars Idris Elba and is [probably] a scare you silly thriller. Not offered to us for review

the drop

The Drop stars James Gandolfini, in his final performance. We had pills galore to deal with our physical disabilities and still couldn't make it to a screening this week.

skeleton twins

The Skeleton Twins, starring SNL faves Kristin Wiig and Bill Hader wasn't offered for review. Both are in very limited release.

If I Stay

If I Stay stars Chloe Grace Moretz and Jamie Blackley . . . for every guy that has made his date see every film with explosions and blood and whatever else; suck it up boys, it's your turn to suffer. The monster hit book becomes the monster hit movie and men everywhere will pray for the end of the world. Cranky's movie review

Sin City A Dame To Kill For

Nine Years after its debut, Sin City A Dame To Kill For finally delivers three solid stories, instead of the mess that was the first edition movie release. Gentlemen without dates should easily find a seat here. Download wallpapers and posters, too! Cranky's movie review

Two Night Stand

Two Night Stand stars Analeigh Tipton and Alec Miles Teller. An online hookup turns into two days trapped by 40 inches of snow in a Brooklyn apartment. Ten minutes of grunting and 90 more of conversation works better than you think it would. Unfortunately, when you think it should be over there's still another fifteen minutes to go.

November Man

He may not be Bond but Pierce Brosnan has the spy thing down in the very enjoyable The November Man . . . a film which is what any of the Bourne films could have been if the screenplays had made any sense. This story, about a retired spy who comes back into play (and is immediately hunted down by the CIA staff who trained or were trained by him) has its own set of twists and turns. Cranky's movie review

Serious Awards contender
Get On Up

From a miserable childhood comes the remarkable talent detailed in Get On Up, the James Brown story which is early contender for best film of the year. Serious film. If actor Chadwick Boseman doesn't get nominations galore for his performance as "The Hardest Working Man in Show Business," something is very wrong. Watch the trailer here

See this (or don't...)

Luc Besson's Lucy rushes through what little passes for a story set up and then gets down to 90 or so minutes of punching, kicking, killing and all that good stuff. Scarlett Johansson and Morgan Freeman star.

The younger you are (meaning the less you've seen of heavy on action/ light on plot movies) the more you will like the film. See it with a good sized crowd and you'll really like it . . . OTT it's terrible.

See this
Magic in the Moonlight

Magic in the Moonlight lets Woody Allen guide other actors in telling the jokes he has written, in this case Colin Firth as a professional stage magician who spends his down time debunking mystics who bring messages to the living from their dead relatives. Then he meets one (Emma Stone) he cannot debunk . . . very loosely inspired by the real life Harry Houdini, a famous escape artist who spent his off hours debunking "psychics" (especially those ripping off his friend Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes). Settled couples go here, though y'all will probably rent.

Fun for anyone
Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the Galaxy, on the other hand, is a family friendly blast of a Marvel Comics book that is as packed with aliens as it is with jokes and other things that will make you laugh. If you'd like to call it the Best Movie of the Year (regular readers know our distinction between "film" and "movie") you'd get no argument from Cranky. Wallpapers here

They Came Together

They Came Together stars Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler in a comedy that may work if you don't have three decades of watching sitcoms under your belt. It's a small candy store owner (Poehler) versus a mega corporation candy store chain (Rudd) and, of course, they fall in love. Teevee stars Cobie Smulders (How I Met Your Mother) and Christopher Meloni (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) support. Fanboys will appreciate Meloni's gag but OTT the film is a rental.

fault in our stars

The Fault in Our Stars was written for and aimed at the "young adult" female demographic -- two beautiful teens fall in love but both are dying of cancer. Will they? Won't they? (That means sex or death or maybe something more.). That this middle aged male critic found this to be a terrific film means (either) it is a terrific film or we're just getting soft. It's the former. Those daters who've already seen everything else should catch up here.

Jersey Boys

Jersey Boys tells the story of perhaps the only American band that could have stood up to the Beatles, had they not crashed mere months before the Invasion. The group was The Four Seasons. There's so much detail packed into Clint Eastwood's adaptation of the original musical play that we laid out all the details. Simply put, the hits drive the film. The stories are just a bonus. Christopher Walken is the name brand star attached as Tony winner John Lloyd Young recreates his portrayal of Frankie Valli. Cranky's movie review

A Hard Day's Night

A Hard Day's Night stars a 1960s pop band called The Beatles. They were, apparently, a big deal back then. <g> 50 years later it is still the best of the films the Fab Four made. It is not a great movie but the music within is all that you really need. Cranky's movie review

Even better, buy your own DVD or Blu-Ray copy!


"Let's put normal people in the house next to Animal House" is a great pitch. And so we have Seth Rogen and Zac Efron and Rose Byrne in Neighbors. The jokes are all been there done that for anyone who has been watching movies for a couple of decades. What can we say? For the first time in 20 years of reviewing, we're feeling old. Cranky's movie review

X-Men: Days of Future Past

For those who have asked us what we think a perfect $10 should be, we endorse X-Men: Days of Future Past. Hugh Jackman and Jennifer Lawrence star; Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan with James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender as their younger selves (Professor X and Magneto) and Halle Berry as Storm take turns as the greatest X-Men movie ever written in comics becomes the greatest superhero movie ever made. We're not the first to use those words. We won't be the last. What is essentially a sequel to X-Men First Class has a script that will guide you if you've ignored 14 years of X-movies and spin-offs. Poster downloads here . . . . Wallpapers here and, if you really need it, Cranky's movie review


Blended, starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore returns Sandler to something approximating his comedic roots. They're two single parents -- whose kids get all the best toilet humor type gags -- and who never want to see each other again after a disastrous blind date.

The same persons who set up that blind date also bequeaths vacations to Sun City, South Africa to the pair, independently and without knowledge of each other's actions (they broke up and have to dump their pieces of what would have been a romantic getaway).

Do the rest in your head. Cranky's movie review

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Seth MacFarlane thinks too much and his film A Million Ways to Die in the West is proof. His spoof of classic western genre films failed to make us laugh or to keep our attention BUT we listen to the audience and all the 20somethings in our theater thought it was great. Charlize Theron and Neil Patrick Harris and Liam Neeson share the bill. Still, average is just average

WALLPAPERS: The Batmobile joins the few decent images from 2016's Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Half a dozen images from The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies are up. Click the links. Scroll down for other movie image links.

TRAILERS:   Exodus: Gods and Kings -- Inherent Vice -- The Theory of Everything -- Witching Bitching -- Spanish Lake -- Dumb and Dumber To -- The Signal -- Home -- Rage -- The Trip to Italy -- The Congress -- Goodbye World -- The Olivia Experiment -- Frontera -- If I Stay -- Step Up: All In -- School Dance -- The Kill Team -- The Sacrament -- Wish I Was Here -- Obvious Child -- Words and Pictures -- Alive Inside


A Merry Friggin' Christmas -- Space Station 76 -- Sin City A Dame To Kill For (red band) -- The Expendables 3 -- 50 Shades of Grey -- Frontera -- What If -- Into the Woods -- Catch Hell -- Guardians of the Galaxy -- Land Ho! -- 4 Minute Mile -- The Prince -- Hercules -- Cantinflas -- Night at the Museum (2014) -- The Longest Week -- Ouija -- War Story -- The BoxTrolls -- Hide Your Smiling Faces --Perfect Sisters -- A Night in Old Mexico -- Gold Frapp Tales of Us

Palo Alto -- Only Lovers Left Alive -- Stage Fright -- Moms Night Out -- Alien Abduction -- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles -- Lucy -- Ant Boy -- Fractured -- Jinn -- The Drop -- Liars All -- Bad Words -- 10 Rules for Sleeping Around --13 Sins -- 50 to 1 -- Cheap Thrill -- Odd Thomas -- Sparks -- Nurse 3D -- Best Man Down -- Best Night Ever -- Beyond Outrage -- Need for Speed -- Big Bad Wolves -- The Pretty One -- Cheap Thrills

Kids For Cash -- Open Grave -- Brightest Star -- 22 -- -- Walking With the Enemy -- The Protector 2 -- Hercules -- Mistaken for Strangers -- Leave the World Behind -- Earth to Echo -- Finding Vivian Maier -- Edge of Tomorrow -- Jupiter Ascending -- Goodbye World -- Ida -- Beneath the Harvest Sky -- Home -- Borgman -- Wolf Creek 2 -- Rob the Mob -- Persecuted -- Rowdy -- Poseidon Rex -- Walk of Shame -- We are the Best -- No God No Master -- Begin Again

Help yourself to lots of images from . . .

Guardians of the Galaxy
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtes
Batman vs Superman
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
X-Men: Days of Future Past
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Avengers
Beauty and the Beast
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Captain America: First Avenger
Cars 2
Conan the Barbarian
Dark Knight Rises

Despicable Me 2

How to Train Your Dragon 2
Kung Fu Panda 2
The Lion King
Man of Steel (Superman)
Red Riding Hood
Rio 2

The Smurfs
Sherlock Holmes

Transformers 3
Winnie the Pooh
The Wolverine


Dallas Buyer's Club -- Last Vegas -- Rush -- Cloudy with Chance of Meatballs 2 -- Jackass: Bad Grandpa -- All is Lost -- Best Man Holiday -- Ender's Game -- Dark Knight Rises -- Less -- Ted -- Amazing Spider-Man -- Prometheus --- Madagascar 3 -- Men in Black 3 -- Magic Mike -- Snow White Huntsman --The Avengers -- Amazing Spider-Man -- The Artist -- Three Stooges -- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo -- The Muppets -- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy -- Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close -- Alvin + Chipmunks Chipwrecked -- War Horse -- We Bought a Zoo -- Fast Five-- Bridesmaids (unrated) -- Michael Flatley Lord of the Dance -- Thor -- X-Men First Class -- Rio -- Rango -- Unstoppable -- For Colored Girls -- Life As We Know It -- Red -- The American -- The A-Team -- Avatar -- Dinner for Schmucks -- Machete -- Zombieland

Dallas Buyer's Club -- Last Vegas -- Rush -- Cloudy with Chance of Meatballs 2 -- Jackass: Bad Grandpa -- All is Lost -- Best Man Holiday -- Ender's Game -- Ted (unrated) -- Les Miserables -- Prometheus -- Madagascar 3 -- Men in Black 3 -- Magic Mike -- Titanic -- Jaws -- Star Wars IV-VI -- Twilight Saga: New Moon -- James Bond collection -- Snow White Huntsman -- The Avengers -- Amazing Spider-Man -- Singing in the Rain -- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo -- Casablanca 70th anniv -- South Park season 15 -- The Descendants -- Adventures of Tin Tin -- My Week With Marilyn -- Melancholia -- The Muppets -- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy -- Alvin + Chipmunks Chipwrecked -- Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt 1 SE -- Super 8 -- X-Men First Class -- Big Lebowski -- Star Wars Saga I-VI -- Sucker Punch -- Lord of the Rings Trilogy -- Super -- Unstoppable -- Red -- The American -- The A-Team -- Legacy -- Legendary -- Machete -- Wall Street Money Never Sleeps -- Toy Story 3 -- Kick-Ass

----------------------------------------- DVDs FOR SALE -----------------------------------------

Flight -- Perks of Being A Wallflower -- Zero Dark Thirty -- Wreck-It Ralph -- End of Watch -- The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo -- Hop -- Footloose (2011) -- Hugo -- Tower Heist -- Jack and Jill -- Tower Heist -- The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 -- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy -- The Three Musketeers (2011) --My Week With Marilyn -- Abduction -- Contraband -- The Iron Lady -- Angels & Demons -- Joyful Noise -- The Rum Diary -- The Bodyguard -- Moneyball --   Cowboys & Aliens --Insidious -- Red Riding Hood -- True Grit -- Academy Award winning films -- Avatar -- Batman Begins -- Blade Runner -- Clash of the Titans -- Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon -- The Hangover -- Harry Potter 1-6 box set -- Harry Potter Half-Blood Prince -- He's Just Not That Into You -- How to Train Your Dragon -- Incredible HULK -- The Hurt Locker -- Ice Age 1 & 2 set -- Indiana Jones trilogy -- Indy/ Crystal Skull -- Inglorious Basterds -- Iron Man -- Iron Man 2 -- Ultimate James Bond v1 -- Ultimate James Bond DVD v2 -- Ultimate James Bond   v3 -- Ultimate James Bond DVD v4 -- Juno -- Jurassic Park box set -- Karate Kid -- Kick Ass -- Lawrence of Arabia -- The Last Airbender -- Night at Museum -- 9 -- Paranormal Activity -- Passion of the Christ -- Ratatouille-- Resident Evil Afterlife -- The Runaways -- Scott Pilgrim -- Sherlock Holmes -- Shrek 1-3 trilogy -- Sin City -- Simpsons Movie -- Slumdog Millionaire -- Spider-Man Trilogy -- Star Trek I - VI box set -- Star Trek 2010 (1 disk) -- Star Wars Trilogy (1-3) -- Star Wars Trilogy (4-6) -- Terminator Salvation -- The Town -- Toy Story 3 -- Twilight -- Twilight: New Moon -- Twilight Saga Eclipse -- Twilight Breaking Dawn pt. 1 -- -- Up -- Wall-E -- Wall Street Money Never Sleeps -- Who is Harry Nilsson? -- Woodstock 49th anniv -- The Wrestler -- X-Men Trilogy -- X-Men Origins: Wolverine -- X-Men Trilogy

---------------------------------- BLU-RAY DISCS FOR SALE ----------------------------------
The Artist -- Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol -- Spawn -- The Hunger Games -- Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows -- JAWS -- 21 Jump Street -- Singing in the Rain 60th Anniv) -- The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, Happy Feet Two, Footloose (2011), Tower Heist, Angels and Demons, The Rum Diary, Abduction, The Bodyguard, Moneyball, Captain America, Thor Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, The Adventures of Tintin, Star Wars: The Complete Saga (Episodes I-VI) -- Lord of the Rings Extended Edition -- The Matrix box set -- Men in Black -- Alice in Wonderland (2010) -- Avatar -- Batman Begins -- The Dark Knight -- Blade Runner -- The Bourne Trilogy set -- Braveheart -- Breakfast Club -- Chronicles of Narnia -- Clash of the Titans -- Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon -- Fifth Element -- Forrest Gump -- Ghostbusters -- Ghost Rider-- Gladiator -- Goodfellas -- The Hangover -- The Hurt Locker -- Inglorious Basterds-- Hellboy -- Harry Potter years 1-6 -- HP: Order of Phoenix -- Harry Potter: Half-Blood Prince -- Iron Man -- Iron Man 2 -- James Bond Ultimate ed v1 -- James Bond Ultimate ed v2 -- James Bond Ultimate ed v3 -- Julie & Julia -- Juno -- Kill Bill 1 & 2 -- Kung Fu Panda -- Live Free or Die Hard -- Michael Jackson This is It --   Ocean's 11 12 13 set -- Passion of the Christ --  Pirates: Dead Man's Chest -- Pirates: At World's End -- Rambo box set -- Sherlock Holmes -- Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows -- Shine a Light (Stones Live) -- Silence of the Lambs -- Sleeping Beauty -- Spider-Man Trilogy HD -- Star Trek films set -- Star Trek (2009) -- Star Wars box (1-3) -- Star Wars box (4-6) -- Superman Batman Apocalypse -- Terminator -- Terminator 2 -- Terminator Salvation -- Top Gun -- Total Recall -- Transformers SE -- Twilight -- Twilight: New Moon -- Twilight: Eclipse -- Twilight Breaking Dawn pt. 1 -- Up -- Wall-E -- Watchmen -- Wizard of Oz -- Wonder Woman -- Woodstock 40th anniv -- The Wrestler -- Wolverine -- X-Men Trilogy
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